Anger management
Understanding anger
I believe that anger is a natural and healthy emotion. It only becomes problematic when it is expressed as aggression towards ourselves or others.
Many people seek support because they feel overwhelmed by their anger, struggle to regulate or control their emotional responses, or find that their reactions are affecting their relationships, family life, work or wellbeing. Some worry about the impact of their behaviour on those they care about. Others feel ashamed, confused or frustrated by reactions that seem to happen before they have time to think.
A number of clients describe hearing others talk about having a "short fuse", yet feel as though they have no fuse at all – going from match to bomb in a matter of seconds. Part of the work often involves helping people create more space between a trigger and their response, allowing greater awareness, choice and emotional regulation.
Looking beneath the anger
In my experience, anger is often only part of the story. Beneath anger, we may find hurt, fear, shame, grief, vulnerability, loneliness, powerlessness, unprocessed trauma, or a sense of injustice. While anger itself is not the problem, understanding what lies beneath it can often help us respond differently.
Part of my work involves helping clients understand the relationship between emotions, the nervous system and behaviour. I draw on ideas from interpersonal neurobiology (how our brain, body and nervous system are influenced by relationships and human connection) and emotional regulation (our ability to understand and manage our emotional responses) to help people make sense of their experiences in ways that reduce shame and increase choice.
Making sense of your responses
Many people arrive believing that they should simply be able to control their emotions. I believe things are usually more complicated than that. The ways we learn to express, suppress or relate to anger are often shaped by our relationships, family dynamics, culture, gender and life experiences. Emotional responses that seem confusing or disproportionate in the present often make more sense when viewed in the context of a person's history.
Moving towards choice and change
My aim is not to help people suppress their anger, but to understand it. Through greater awareness, emotional regulation and self-understanding, people often become better able to respond rather than react, communicate more effectively, develop healthier relationships and feel more confident in themselves.
I believe that understanding creates choice. When we understand our anger more fully, we are often better able to decide what we wish to do with it.
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